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this aint no f'in life
I grew up listening to the g's in my hood talk about the gang life. Now all my life, on tv, in school, etc. i always heard the same thing, the thing u hear all throughout this site "the gang life leads nowhere, ull regret it, dont start, and etc." but to hear a lot of the people in my neighborhood talk about the shit theyd done, and to see their tattoos, i always thought it was like the greatest thing.

I come from a broken home, i dont know my dad, and my mom is never around, i was basically raised by my brother Giseppi, anyway, i am 19 now, and i joined a gang when i was about 13, it started off great, i mean i finally had a real family unit, some people that looked out for me, and i wanted to gain their respect and "make them proud" so i would do just about anything in the name of the 12 st. boys, hence i received the name "Crazy T". anyway, i started getting high, drinking, smoking, doing graffiti, and u know the general shit. i thought it would still be all the same, i mean i still showed up to school sometimes and hung out with friends, then everything started to change so fast, i felt like i was falling and couldnt grab hold of anything to pull myself back up, i was expelled for gang style clothing and writing and i stopped hanging around with people not in my clique.
and the night before we were gonna pull a drive-by, i had a dream, i saw my brother's face in my dream, the person who meant the most to me in this human world, and one thing i should probably mention is that my brother was a tough person, i had never seen him cry before, but in my dream there were tears coming down his face, then i woke up. the next night was an event that changed my life forever. We had been doing drugs and drinking before we pulled the driveby, and the truth is that i dont remember a whole lot about that night, just that we had killed a rival, and i was one of the three gunmen, but also that we got caught.

skipping ahead...i was in court when i got the good news bad news report, the good news, i had not killed a man, i was firing a 9 mm. handgun out the window, and no bullets from my weapon ever came into contact with him, the bad news, i was an accessory, and also a youth involved with a gang, and not only that, but i had traces of cocaine and marijuana in my system. and i remember being givin my sentence, as the judge began to say "Thomas Calcaterra.." as he said my name, everything hit me like a brick wall, and my childhood innocence left me, my mind went blank, and i looked over at my brother in the courtroom as i stood there helpless, this tough guy who wasnt scared of anything was crying for the first time in his life, at least as far i know, i swear, my legs began to shake, it was what i had seen in my dream.

anyway, i was 3 months away from my 14th birthday, and i spent the next five years in lock up, and i was released just 3 months ago, the judge actually went easy on me,i should have done longer, at least to 21, but what sucks now is looking back, i mean my brother never came to visit, the last time i saw him he was crying in the courtroom, i dont even know where he is right now, and i look back to before the gang, i only saw my family life, my neighborhood, and my financial situation, i thought i had nothing, when in reality i had it all, a brother who cared deeply for me, lots of friends, i was liked by all the girls, and i was a smart kid, and a great athlete, now, just like all the former g's out of the mix, i am nothing, i work a dead-end job, and i live in a tiny ass apartment by myself...

so i know a lot of u kids out there are like i was, and wont even listen to that tired old message, so i got a different one, look man, whatever neighborhood, family, race, financial status, etc. u come from, it dont matter, man, just forget about petty things like that, get out there and have fun, go get high off life, walk up in a mcdonalds and act stupid causing a scene with ur friends so they throw out, i mean u dont need this "thug life" it aint glorious, i only got bad memories and nightmares from it, i try to remember the days before that when me and my friends did stupid stuff, u know like talking loud in theatres and throwing fries at the nerdy kid who wipes the tables at burger king, trust me, kids, enjoy ur childhood, cuz u dont get another one, so dont waste it....Peace

Crazy T