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Lino
Here I thought I had messed my son up beyond fixing. I thought my 5 year old boy was gonna get kicked out of kindergarden, 2 weeks into the school year! I had the teacher calling me, telling me how defiant he was and how he was a leader who not only was distracted himself, but he would lead 3 or 4 other kids into being bad. I humbled myself and told the truth. I told the teacher about the past, that we had damaged him with our bad living. But I also told her Id be willing to do anything to help my son get to where he needs to be. We have cleaned our lives up alot, and I have changed many bad behaviours, and learned that discipline didnt always mean punishment. You have to show more love than disappointment. Before, if he did wrong, I would yell and get real mad, even put him down a few times. Cuz thats how I was parented. But I finally found my way. I know it was only by God that I am breaking this cycle of defeat. I began sitting my son down, his little hands in mine, having him repeat a prayer after me, a prayer asking Jesus to help him remember to be good at school, simple but so meaningful. I began telling my son every morning, "You can do it Lino, you can get through the day without being in trouble (he was losing his recess EVERY DAY!) So for about a week I was real scared. Cuz every day the teacher told Rob or me that Lino hit someone, kicked someone, talked back, wouldnt cooperate. My dad made a comment that he was a gang leader already. It was a joke but it was not funny! And every day that he got in trouble at school I would gently explain that he was grounded from his playsation, cartoons and his swimming pool. He whined, but I stayed strong and didnt bend. We passed time by reading, practicing his letters, doing homework. I found it so fulfilling that he wasnt zoned out in front of the TV, but he was close to me, enjoying my company like I was enjoying his. It seemed like it wasnt working at school tho. People began telling me he had ADHD. I prayed he didnt. I began to doubt myself and my son. A few nights ago I was so worried, so discouraged. Then the next day (which was yesterday). Rob brings Lino home from school and I see his smiling face. He runs right to me, backpack still in hand and hollers "mommy I was good today!" After weeks of him getting in trouble, he had had his first good day. So much guilt lifted from me. I grabbed him and tickled him and told him I knew he could do it. And he asks "mommy can I play my playstation" and I said "of course" then this is what brought tears to my eyes, he asks "wanna play with me mommy?" My point for all this rambling is this: Its never too late to change things around. I dont take the credit at all. I think God showed me what I was doing wrong and lead me into my new parenting style. Im not perfect, but my son is so much happier, even when hes misbehaving, were still so much closer than we have ever been. In the beginning of his life, I didnt cherish my son like I should have. I didnt realize what I had. Someone who would become what I showed him. I could have taken the easy way out, let my mom or someone else raise him, and return to my life of violence, drinking and drugs. Even when I was a terrible parent,something inside me would only allow me to go so far. I thank God for that. I could have ruined our bond, made him have a chip on his shoulder all his life. No. My son will succeed in life and I will not settle for anything but the best for him. I will keep growing and learing and he will grow up feeling loved and wanted. Thats my number 1 goal in life. Anyway, hope I have encouraged someone. Dana |